As often happens after a brief trip to the dark side ... a flood of 'new' ideas and re-interpretations ...
A lot of possible 'dialogue' for the book is in the past couple of month's journal ... one day I'll get around to compiling and assembling it all ...
This whole scenario is based on the situation where a person is in great emotional distress & confusion and even desolation and the people (e.g. parents) around them trying to re-assure them that 'We love you' - with the implication that you can't do anything drastic (like contemplating suicide) as it would devastate us ...
(I used to say that it is NOT really love to want a person to 'hang around' simply because it would devastate others - but I did express it better in words I can't quite recall to mind at the moment - it could actually be seen as a selfish act ... )
Yes, most people would just assume their love is sufficient reason to prevent one of their children suiciding ...
"But we love you. Surely you know that!"
"I'm sure you believe it's true. Maybe you even feel that it's true. I have no way of knowing what you truly feel. But I sure don't feel it, so it must be a fairly weak kind of love. Maybe I'm just dead inside. Most of my life I have felt dead inside. Take a look around you. Look into people's eyes. There's a whole lot of people who look dead inside. The human race is in a real mess but people think that soomehow it won't affect their family. They think they are somehow immune to it all. Nobody ever thinks one of their children will get totally LOST in this LOST world. People are really, really DUMB."
(Admittedly, that would tend to be a conversation stopper)
And everyone is always saying 'be honest' ... and that is how I honestly felt for more than a decade. Looking back it is quite some miracle how I even survived it all ...
And if you have never felt completely dead inside or totally lost, you cannot begin to imagine what it is like. And it is not as simple as just 'feeling dead inside' because there is this vague feeling or sense of what it would be like to be truly ALIVE (something which maybe one in a thousand actually experiences) and I think that deep down everyone has that nagging, gnawing feeling that what we call 'normality' is just a pale shadow of what life could be like ...
(Could be internal dialogue going along at the same time as the external dialogue ...)
And the sinking feeling that you're not going to be one of those who gets to experience it at its fullest ... mixed in with some real anger that people 'settle' for a lot less than what they really want to experience ...
And let's face it, that IS what life is like for millions of people right this very moment. And you can tend to think that nobody has a real solution to it all ...
...
"I suppose I don't really blame you ... you're just doing what everyone else is doing. Nobody really wants to face the truth ... that's why the human race is in this mess ..."
Then with all this going on in the person's head ... he may start to wonder if this is a TEST. He knows he has the words to rip people's hearts out ... the question is whether he will resist the temptation and play the 'martyr' again ... because he knows nobody wants to hear such words from one of their children ... and yet it is a sad indictment on the current stste of the world that a person can get so far down and feel there's no real chance of feeling much better and so he would contemplate the only power he seems to have - namely to make other people suffer along with him ...
"This is not something you can cure with a PILL! I cannot believe there are people who have such a warped view of reality that they think that numbing the mind and the soul is a solution to somebody's problems. The only solution is love. People like to think they know what love is but many do not. The world simply would not be in this mess if they did."
"Look, I realise you have absolutely no idea how to handle this situation. It has probably been one of your deepest and darkest fears that you would ever find yourself in a situation like this. I know a lot about fear. The funny thing about this existence is that as long as you hold onto your fears, the universe seeks to test your fears by confronting you with precisely what you dread the most. So you can decide if you're going to live in fear or live in love. The two are mutually exclusive. If you hold onto fears then you do not truly know what love is ...
So, you could say that I am doing you a huge favour and maybe that is MY purpose in this lifetime - to help you cure your darkest fears. Not out of revenge as it would once have been. Though I am sure that many people would interpret it vastly differently ...
People do tend to use the word 'normal' in such a manner that indicates they believe normality is the only valid experience and that anything and anyone who ventures outside 'normality' needs to be fixed or cured or persuaded to conform. This really is a very unhealthy way of looking at ourselves, the universe and life itself.
"Let's face it, this family is excruciatngly normal. Maybe I have been sent into it to shake it up a little."
{Jim Morrison quote??) -
"When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It's a subtle kind of murder. The most loving parents and relatives commit this murder with smiles on their faces."
Yes, getting back to that idea of people's scripts - where did I write that? - is it in the journal for Aug 19 ...
He may feel or realise that his family members have FAR more need for him to fit in with the scripts in their heads than any need or desire he feels to act according to their scripts (Yes, I know that is clumsy wording but at the moment it's the best I got ...)
Yes, you hear so many people say all they want when expecting a baby is that it will be normal and healthy. (Quite apart from the implication that those who don't fit that category somehow have a 'lesser' experience of life.) They might not realise this, but the very fact of expressing that wish indicates they doubt their capacity to navigate their way through a major drama or complications that might arise. Doubt is yet another manifestation of fear. If people had real love, they would welcome any and every challenge that might arise with their offspring. Few however are currently manifesting that kind of love ...
He may seriously question why 'playing the martyr' has caused him untold grief ... I mean everyone says 'be honest' yet deeeep down there are things they do NOT wish to hear - especially from those closest to them ...
If this view was accepted it would be a whole new way of looking at families where one member is experiencing 'mental illness' but that person has not done what i have done and thus could never articulate things in this way. It would revolutionise the entire system ... but again, if nobody else sees things this way, I would be dismissed as a lunatic. I have always felt I was born 100 or 1000 years ahead of my time.
Update ... a few hours later ...
"I do think that is most people's darkest fear - that a situation will arise, especially within their immediate family, that they feel utterly ill-equipped to handle"
Ah yes, on the issue of 'we love you' and that should be enough to dissolve any pain ... or at least keep you alive ... "I know it on an intellectual level - I know you believe you love me. But I don't know it as a feeling and that is all that matters - life is not an intellectual journey ... yes, if you don't know it as a real feeling it is not much use at all ... and one would question if that is really love anyway ... what most people have come to call 'love' is in many cases a desire to control someone else and have them follow the scripts you have in your head - true love means allowing a fellow being to explore whatever path they wish to explore even if it is a path you are 'convinced' they should not take ...
Yes, when I hear people talk in protective terms ... that also can't really be called love because it is based in fear ... I mean if you really wanted to protect your offspring then this is the wrong reality to expose them to ... you cannot keep people 'safe' and nobody grows by staying 'safe' and 'protected' anyway ...
"It's something you can't begin to understand from your limited experience of reality" ...
A little later ... SEND this for inclusion in New Paradigm ???
What are we telling a person when we give them medication -
* We have no faith in your ability to work your way through this experience
* We have no faith in OUR ability to deal with your experience or to help you navigate your way through it.
* But most of all, we are saying to the universe that we have completely misunderstood human experiences and why they happen.
Let's face it, 'mental illness' is a label. The reality is that human beings have a vast spectrum of experiences. We have chosen to label some of those experiences as 'normality' and to label other experiences as 'mental illness'. Like any label, it has as much or as little reality as you give it.
This can be a tough concept to grasp. If I said there are no trees on this planet, people are likely to think I have flipped. In reality, if everyone on this planet spoke only the French language, the word 'tree' would not exist. However the objects we have labelled as 'trees' would still exist. Most of the time, people do not experience reality. They experience the labels that have been attached to the various aspects of reality.
"In the end, I feel very, very, very sad for you people. You can't see that normality is a prison ... and you expect everyone who is born into this world to live in your prison. It's very, very, very sad."
[Psychosis is an attempted jail break. It's not often terribly successful but at least it is an escape attempt ...]
I can't really blame people - you probably cannot see what i can see unless you have experienced what I have experienced ...
A lot of this somehow reminds me of some of the quotes about 'madness' from Antonin Artaud -
click here - towards the end of the file ...
"There is in every madman a misunderstood genius whose idea, shining in his head, frightened people, and for whom delirium was the only solution to the strangulation that life had prepared for him."
Update 21 August -
'I'd go so far as to say ANY desire to 'protect' another person is based in fear. It is not based in love. It is based on a misconception of what this realm of existence is all about ...'
'I like to put enjoyment into everybody's life'
'Yes, but their reaction is also a reflection of where THEY are at and what they believe they need from me. Let's face it, anyone whose life is filled with fear and worry and the desire to limit or control those around them has yet to wake up ... '
I have been told that the greater the darkness you descend into, the greater the light that eventually emerges ... and there can be no darker place than schizophrenia at its WORST ...
'What do I think? I think that most people seek their validation too much from external sources, especially from other people. But if the people you are seeking to validate you are as confused and mixed up as yourself then that validation is on very shaky ground. Unless people really feel that they have a sense of unconditional worth regardless of their current circumstances then society is in a LOT of trouble. And this society IS in a lot of trouble. We don't really feel connected to ourslves and to each other and we hardly ever allow ourselves to feel connected to something larger than ourselves ... '
'The point is, as long as you hold onto fear in any of its many disguises, you simply cannot have a sense of genuine security for yourself or thsoe closest to you' (Needs work ...)
'I suppose if all you have ever experienced is your own normality and the minor variations on that theme ...
'Yes, I'd like to think it is genuine compassion. I mean suffering is suffering, whatever label you choose to attach to it. You might call it schizophrenia or depression or anger or jealousy or worry ... suffering is suffering. In fact, to my mind, anyone who is not spontaneously joyous and loving and kind and compassionate is suffering because somewhere deep down inside us we KNOW that is what EACH of us can be ...
On medication -
One analogy I would make is with a cancer patient. Morphine will take aaway the pain they are experiencing. Or rather it will take away the awareness of that pain ... but it hasn't done anything about the cause of the pain. Similarly with psychiatric medications. A person is experincing pain (which ultimately I truly believe is spiritual in its origin - this world is suffering from an immmense spiritual hunger right now) The little magic pills will take away that pain or the awareness of it by numbing the mind along with the soul. But it does nothing to resolve the cause of the pain and so in the long run does the person a grave disservice. Trouble is, so few people - especially professionals - are sufficiently skilled in matters of the soul to 'handle' it any other way and the sad thing is they probably believe they are doing the person a favour ...
How do we individually and collectively let go of our fears ... that is the big question ...
{Yes, everyone says 'be yourself' ... but what if you discover your true state is so far beyond the boundaries of what we laughingly call 'normality' that it would tend to 'freak out' those whose experiences have been limited to these rather narrow regions ...}
Yes, the frustration is that I know perfectly well, on an intellectual level, what I am doing wrong and what everyone else is doing wrong. But that is just the first step. All of us have such bad habits - judgement - fear - blame - worry - anger - rsentment - that it takes a constant conscious effort initially to develop better habits. Some days, it all flows smoothly and I think 'Ah, I've got it' ... then there are days when it all falls apart again ...
Update Aug 23 -
(After the Netnation Forum & typing up more great chunks of "Who Are You?") ...
I realised that i do NOT have to wait for ALL this to 'run its course' - it is an intriguing story in itself - having this 'inner voice' and sometimes what it says is pure poetry and other times it is sheer nonsense and other times it is downright scary ... just the journey through and into that experience without being numbed by the new 'wonder' drugs and without resorting to narcotics or alcohol or self-destruction of one kind or another ... that is alreadt a 'trip' few people have experienced or even imagined probably ...
And like Ros said at the VICSERV conference of spirituality & mental illness - you have to listen to discover the 'gems withing the psychotic debris' - hopefully these days there are more gems than debris but it is kinda hard to be impartial sometimes - especially about the contents of your own mind ...
"I do know, from my own direct personal experience, that if it is done correctly then contemplation can be vastly superior to any form of 'entertainment' you will ever experience ... '
Update Aug 27 -
(A little backsliding ... and yet even in the dumps I do tend to hit the nail on the head ...)
Imagining someone in the psych ward and he had been trying to do it on his own because where do you turnif you truly believe everyone else is at least as lost as you ... or even more so because they continue their charades without ever admiting there's something seriously wrong somewhere ... this just is NOT working and it is foolish and unhealthy to pretend it is ...
"The reason you can't help me is quite simple ... you don't have a FUCKING clue either - you're only marginally less screwed up than I am ... "
"marginally less screwed up" - it's dead SIMPLE - just look at the comntent of your conversations - take out the GOSSIP (speaking about someone when they aren't present - generally in a judgemental fashion or at least a fashion you would NOT dare do if they were present) and the COMPLAINING and the BLAMING and the TRIVIAL/UNIMPORTANT NONSENSE and what's left ...
... and the CONTENT and TONE of your conversations is an accurate REFLECTION of your thoughts & attitudes to this realm of existence ...
NOT to mention the desire to CONTROL ... and the generally UNFORGIVING and CYNICAL attitudes ...
Yet, part of him still tries to remember to be compassionate and non-judgemental which is awfully tough if the prevailing social environment is BALMING, JUDGEMENTAL, UNFORGIVING, CYNICAL, ... all different aspects of fear yet having been where they are, he knows nobody is likely to admit for example cynicism has its (deep) roots in fear ...
Oh, plus ... he realises that as long as he has these little 'flashbacks' then he's hardly going to be the world's greatest spokesperson for following a more spiritual path ...
A little later ...
One approach could be along these lines (though it's arguable what approach could/would have much chance of awakening another soul ...) - "I feel very sad for you. If you routinely sit in judgement on people it shows you don't have much love in you ... you can only imagine loving someone if they fit certain strict criteria ...
Yes, trundling along doing the 'same old thing' when you know deep down it just is NOT working is in fact FAR crazier than anything a so-called 'psychotic' person ever does ... at least they are tryin to change the script! ...
August 31 -
Interesting session as I recalled what it was like in my darkest days ... and really it does seem like it was part of someone else's lifetime ...
Yes, at one stage, I clearly remember believing that some external force was controlling my thoughts and feelings ... I speculated as to who the external source was - the most likely 'culprit' was a race of powerful aliens who had mind-control powers and they used them for their own amusement to turn 'normal' people into raving lunatics and psycopaths ...
Naturally, the minute you articulate such a scenario to a psychiatrist, it is instantly seen as a 'delusion' - they will say there is NO possibility that such a possibility or such creatures do exist. But, I thought, how can you ABSOLUTELY dismiss it as being impossible - ok, it's an extremely scary thought but HOW can you be sure beyond ALL doubt that it is impossible. I just thought, 'well, you're just very lucky they are not doing it to you' (Though, secretly, I also thought well you aren't really lucky because if I am correct then you and your family are living in a world where some people are turned into psycopaths and murderers ... I mean what other explanation is there for a human being going THAT far off the rails ... it's scary whatever the explanantion is ... but if THIS can happen to anyone it is even more petrifying so most people would never allow themselves to entertain the possibility ...
Along with this line of thinking cam e the thoughts (there seemed to be two DISTINCT types of thoughts - those that were mine and those which seemed to be being PLACED into my mind by this external source) ... some of these thoughts went along the lines that becoming a psycopath just might be the greatest buzz of all-time ...
Yet, for the most part it was living in constant fear - what if I am right - what if these aliens are just playing around with me - what if the thoughts become so constant and overwhelming that I can't stay in control -
I painted myself into what seemed like an inescapable corner. Nobody will believe me and EVEN if they do believe me there is absolutely NOTHING they can do to help me short of tying me up in chains. And every time I felt at 'breaking point' the thoughts would subside and even THIS could be interpreted as part of the game these beings were playing in my mind. To take me to the brink then ease off and leave me wondering when and if the next time comes what I might do ...
It would often occupy all my strength to even stay vaguely in control and if you do this day in and day out it wears you to a frazzle. I seriously considered suicide if there was ANY possibility I would ever act on these impulses. Yet, I could not be sure I'd be 'successful' at knocking myself off so I wanted someone else to do it for me but we don't do tat kind of thingin this society. At the time, I regarded this as a ridiculous 'policy' for society to have since there were obvioulsy a whole lot of severely unhinged people and the rest of the population lived in constant fear also ...
Obviously, this made social interaction almost impossible at times. So, I learned to have a 'simulated self' for when others were around. At times, it felt like there was at least two distinct versions of 'me' and I never knew which one would show up on any given day ... and which is the 'real' me ...
"You wouldn't think it to look at me now but I have experienced the kind of black, blind, unreasoning rage that leads people to kill. In fact at one stage the rage was so black and so blind that I wanted to kill anybody and everybody. I have often said to psychiatrists that it MUST be for the 'greater good' for me to be put to sleep if there is even the remotest chance I would act on this rage. Of course, that would still leave you with the question of where does such rage come from and why do some act on it.
Update Sept 6 -
(After a trip to the library and glancing at titles like "Super joy" and "Choices" ... )
the following flashes into my thoughts - "Maybe people do feel like failures if they have not equipped their offspring to be joyous and to be able to meet the challenges and choices in the way 'most people' are able to ... then again, there's still enough 'devil' left in me to respond that some people DARE to be honest and seek something MUCH better than what 'most people' are prepared to settle for ... and they may come to regard 'normality' as unsatisfactory based on their observations of how many truly 'satisfied customers' there seem to be in the world at the moment ... they may even come to reject normality entirely and pursue ANY & EVERY alternative to the prison they call normality ...
Or ... leaving off the 'normality' aspect ... you could imagine a person feeling sorry for his parents as they are in a very, very large club as the number of genuinely joyful faces is so small ... you'd have to say that hardly anyone is 'getting it right' ... and can you be expected to 'pass on' something you never received ...
As much as people say 'don't compare', we all tend to do it - we compare our level of enjoyment-satisfaction-bliss in any given moment compared with the levels in those around us ...
I also recalled what i once said about there being a 'little voice' in my head ever since I can remember and this voice just said "Bullshit" whenever any normal person told me 'how things are' ... ?? well, it is a description of where I was for so long.
It could be a 'confronting' scene - if he articulates his frustration and says something like, "Well, surely it is the job of a parent to teach their children a healthy way of dealing with living in a lunatic asylum like this world currently is." ... he may even dismiss most people as utter failures in this regard if he throws in words like joyous ...
"Most people are so scared of anything that goes beyond the little box they have labelled 'normality' ... I feel very sad for them ... that's no way to live ... "
You could interpret it as an 'attack' ... you could also interpret it as a JOLT to someone's belief system which may help them wake up ...
I can look into people's eyes and I just know who is awake and who is asleep ...
"What is the truth? The truth can never be expressed in mere words. The truth is ... you are the truth ... your very existence is a manifestation of the truth ... Not enough people take the time to contemplate, really contemplate their own existence ... "
"Whenever anyone offers me any advice I take a good look at them and try to get some sense of where their life is at. If they appear joyous then I will listen closely to their advice. If they do not appear joyous then I will also listen closely to what they have to say … and then I do the opposite." - The original had - get a sense of how together they are - everybody is a walking advertisement for the effectiveness of their own particular set of beliefs, thoughts, ideas -
Futher Update -
(Interesting discussion of where I have been and what i have thought and believed along the way ...)
Yes, the question of "what if" is an interesting one ... I had absolutely NO idea what the mental health system was like and what the legislation empowers people to do (to you) until I found myself subject to it ... if I had known ... I would have behaved differently and never given doctors etc any reason to 'assess' me ... okay, I was in a dark place back then and I needed 'something' but to be locked away and have mind-altering chemicals prescribed and coerced to take them ...
It was a very wide-ranging discussion ... how your thoughts contirbute hugely to your expereineces ... how emotions I have always found fascinating as 'most people' seem to 'react' to external events/circumstances as if 'programmed' - certain events produce a 'happy' state & certain others produce a 'sad' state and most are seemingly fairly 'neutral' ... and how most people never toy with the notion that a fabulous mood or experience isn't likely to happen for 'no reason at all' ... so you constantly need to seek out those external events/activities/circumstances that will produce the desired emotional responses ...
Plus the problem of reconciling a "Loving God" with all the 'evil' & 'suffering' ... and the eastern religions comparing life to a dream - utterly 'convincing' ... until you wake up (die) ...
Plus how I slowly came to the conclusion that there is something fundamentally missing from the way 'normal' people think about things ... and how they don't generally take too kindly to that idea as it makes them question the entire basis of their existence ... plus how I do tend to drive people nuts by saying "Don't worry about it" or "Don't take it personally" ... and how if you have never viewed or experienced the world from tose levels of consciousness you really can't fathom where such a person is 'coming from' ... plus humour when all around are being very 'serious' ...
Yes, once you realise that fixed opinions and disputes over differences of opinion belong to the lower levels of awareness and consciosness ... it's hard to get 'caught up in it all' and you feel compassion for those who do as they are constantly fighting to defend or establish their perspective as 'better' than someone else's ...
Plus how I used to be - and it IS almost as if it was someone else ... the blind rage and why i felt it ... and how I used to view reality and people and normality and the level of hostility ... and wondering how I actually survived ALL that without really doing something drastic or irretrievable ... and oftenwishing I would as it would once-and-for-all burn all the bridges and I'd be forced deep into my own mind as there'd be nowhere else and nobody else to turn to ... yet back then I never saw this as a spiritual quest at all ...
And how when I was at my 'worst', people would try to help in the best way they knew but it usually made things worse ... and if there was no way to get away and be on-my-own I'd often feel like freaking out ... and if you have never experienced what that is like it is probably impossible to imagine it ...
Plus how you can be reluctant to declare you have 'schizophrenia' as the only image most people have is when it is mentioned that someone shot by police suffered from 'paranoid schizophrenia' ... plus the concept of 'recovery' and how little it is emphasised and defined and how-do=you-know if you have ... and how people do tend to become dependent on the system and quite rightly may feel the general community is lacking in compassion and understanding and acceptance ... plus Amy from the VICSERV conference and everyone ultimately needs to be encouraged and supported to find the 'healer within' ...
Plus how these services can be counter-productive as the focus of people can be on what's wrong with their lives ... plus the idea that souls CHOOSE to experience the extremes of the human condition in order to evolve or develop unconditional compassion ...
Plus funerals as an example of where a person's belief system determines their emotional response - what if you were the only one at a funeral who was absoultely delighted as you see 'death' as merely a soul moving from one location to another (unspecified) location - no big deal - like moving from Melbourne to Sydney or Tibet ...
Plus how I do listen to other people and their point-of-view and try to imagine what their experiences are like when they view reality as they do ... and how souls may return to this realm of existence after reaching enlightenment in order to help others do likewise ...
Plus my writing and experiences and the dark places I have been ... and how people always ask what you've been 'doing' rather than what you've been contemplating ... and how the whole thinking tends to focus on 'results' and 'activity' and how most days I don't seem to be 'doing' a lot yet i am probly burning off far more mental energy than those following a routine or a linear approach to reality and the contents of their own consciousness ...
Plus the puzzle of how most people seem bound largely by their conditioning and upbringing - e.g. places like Serbia etc where you just 'hate' someone because they belong to a different nationality or belief system ... yet on the other hand there are many individuals who transcend their conditioning ... it is quite some puzzle ...
And how 'touchy' we are ... we are ridiculous creatures when you really look at what we do and how touchy we are over things which deep down we know are of no ultimate importance ... sometimes you just gotta laugh or you'd go mad ...
"There are levels of consciousness where these questions simply disappear ... I have visited these levels of consciousness many times and the view is quite amazing ... when we are ALL experiencing these levels of consciousness on a permanent basis ... our lives will be beyond anything we can currently imagine ... "
And plenty of other 'stuff' ....
A few thoughts from last night -
... recalling (channeling?) the way I used to think ... possible 'dialogue' ...
"I took one look at normality and I thought I'm not doing that! You'd have to be a fuckhead to do that!"
Yes ... a LOT of Osho's stuff is about JOY ... and that is the key! ... to continue day-after-day when what you are doing is producing precious little joy for yourself and those around you ... THAT is the real madness! ...
On expectations - when you look at it, as long as you 'live up' to people's expectations (of the way you'll think, behave, respond etc) ... you are assisting them in remaining asleep ... because ONCE they do awaken ... they will see those expectations - indeed ANY expectations as just plain DUMB ... and they will let them go ...
In fact, as long as they are expecting others to align their beingness with their expectations they are experiencing a diminished existence ...
{Then I watched a bit more of that Tibetan video on the life of Khyentse Rinpoche ... and the role of a teacher is to get the student to trust their own innate wisdom ... that the answer does NOT lie in anything external ...
Plus the interesting aspects of the web article on human spontaneous involuntary invisibilty ... abduction by 'non-human entities' ...
A bit more 're-visiting' the way I used to think about things:
yes, one definition of insanity is to go along with what 'everyone else' is doing even though deep down you know it just is not working ... that is the real madness - anything else is at least an attempt to create something better ...
That would be a very confronting situation where someone is openly declaring that normality is ridiculous (they could make this declarartion with hostility or with laughter and it's tough to say which would be the most 'confronting') ... especially when it is one of your own offspring declaring they have no desire to 'be like you and all the other twits who try to convince themselves that normality is worthwhile pursuing' ... and to further declare death would be preferable ... let alone expressing the desire to have supernatural powers (or even that his entire focus is on developing such powers) that would enable him to either be immune to the thought-patterns of the 'normals' or indeed to enter their minds and either liberate them or, if he considers them too far 'gone', to end their misery another way ...
{Disclaimer: This is an attempt to recount the way I used to view people and reality ... not that there's anything necessarily 'wrong' with thinking this way ... for a while ... :) ... and I see people whose views and thoughts are not too far from this and as long as they hold onto them ...}
Opinions are like lead weights. The more of them you cling to, the less chance there is for your spirit to fly. I could say that the more opinions you have, the more insufferable you become ...
"Why does it bother you that I have no opinions? Does it surprise you that soemone dares to be different from you? Ask yourself how much joy you are extracting from your opinions ... it's a fascinating question if you are prepared to be honest about it ... and closely examine what purpose your opinions actually serve ...
Reflecting back on that Zukav program - that is quite some revelation - to consider the possibility that behind people's anger and cynicism and hostility and depression ... is actually fear ... there was a time I would have regarded such a claim as sheer nonsense ...
(Also some ideas are in september journal -
here)
Even this idea - about 'using' the system and people's fears and ignorance ... "Well, any system that is based on such flawed and timid thinking deserves to be exploited. It's an incentive for people to change it - but that would require them first being honest about a whole lot of things and I don't see that happening in a hurry ..."
[Yes, as i said in the abouve 'disclaimer' - this is the sort of dialogue I used to carry around in my head just in case I ever had occasion to use it ... ] -
"In a society as screwed up as this one, the number of people who are fit to be parents is maybe one in a thousand ... yet for some strange reason most people seem to want to have kids - most likely they are motivated byt the need to fill some gaping void in their lives ... then people wonder why it doesn't work out ... it's really quite tragic ... or absurd ... depending on how you choose to look at it ..."
Oh it gets even 'better' - when I recall my rather ruthless 'criteria' for deciding who should be 'put to sleep for the greater good' - basically anyone who I consider miserable or dull - I figured what IS the point of continuing on being miserable and depressing those around you ... so they should be 'assisted' ... it would be ONE powerful incentive to cheer up! or to become more interesting. Unfortuanletly I had such a low opinion of the 'normals' I doubted their capacity to do so ... I even wished I had psychic powers so I could telepathically alter their dull or miserable thought-patterns ...
I saw this as a beautiful solution as it would radically reduce the size of the worldd's population ... and would necessitate a fundamentally different way-of-life as there would be nobody prepared to do mundane things or live an uninteresting and unoriginal existence ... my mind boogled at the prospect ...
[Yes, as i keep saying - if I am to be 'honest' about where my journey has been then THIS is how I thought for a LONG time ... ]
And by comparison with the soaring psychotic ecstasy just about every member of the 'normal' population seemed phenomenally and incomprehensibly dull in comparison ...
"My motto in life is 'be crazy' because if you have the imagination and the audacity to be crazy then you might just get somehwere worth going. If you just go along with whatever all the normal people are doing you won't get anywhere terribly exciting at all ..."
"I find that normal people are a perfect guide to how to live life. I simply observe what they do and how they think and behave and then I do the opposite"
"I have lived most of my past lives on other planets. Earth is such a bizarre place. The way people live is completely warped (give examples? - sport - fame - cosmetics - entertainment - focus on trivia etc)
~Jim Morrison
